This past year has proven to be quite the conundrum.
I woke up and realized that I wasn't happy. I was depressed. Stressed. Anxious. Tired. Frustrated. What's more is that I realized that I wasn't the only one who wasn't waking up happy. I decided that it was time to do something about it.
To start, I did one of the hardest things I have had to do in a long time and that was end a dead-end relationship. Of course, I didn't wake up knowing that this was what was going to happen. After all, this had been a man that I had spent nearly a decade trying to build a life with. I had gone through the phase of picturing our wedding, our children, our home, and our life together but no matter how much work I put in - it ultimately didn't matter. He and I just weren't meant to be. Coming to this realization however, was quite a roller-coaster ride.
There was a moment when I woke up in the bed next to him and reached out to touch him and he didn't respond to my touch. It felt as though he was millions of miles away. There was another instant when I went to hug him and when I did, the energy was as though two magnets were being expelled from each other. To say that it was all jarring is putting it lightly. It used to be that I could find refuge in his arms but it was as though the universe was trying to tell me that our opposites did not attract. I was bound to go my way and he, his.
Of course, I wish I had been this wise in my early dating days. But no matter what age, relationships ending are always sort of shitty or bitter-sweet. It's hard watching a beautiful dream wither away and die. It's hard going through the photographs and swirling through the emotions from the beginning. But once, I make up my mind, I stick to it because I'm not a back-peddling bitch.
I've made that mistake - going back under the guise that "things will change," but rarely do they and if they do, the change that happens usually quickly dissipates and it's back at ground zero and after awhile of going round-n'-round, eventually, there is the realization that in and of itself, it's insanity and I didn't come into this world to go crazy, I came into this world to be loved and chasing happiness is my road to that love.
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xoxo
@extraumi
